Tuesday, January 4, 2011

What Goes Up, Must Come Down...Part 2

So, once I realized that I probably wasn't meant for living in a shack on a mountain, I resigned myself to going down this hill on a snowboard. Just as a disclaimer, I have never been someone who has to be good at something or do something again and again to get good at it. I am definitely that person who tries an activity once and crosses it of my list, you know? So I really just wanted to get upright on the snowboard, slide around for a bit, fall gracefully down on the snow and walk off into the sunset. That was my vision. Unfortunately, my vision has never been exactly 20/20.

Once everyone had departed the lift (some more expertly than others....Kristi), we made our way over to the edge of this little "beginner" hill. We were instructed, by Jenner, to now sit down and strap in the second boot. Looking back on it now, I think this is THE moment I realized that I should have stayed in the lodge and read my book. Once you are strapped into a snowboard, there is no going back. Mainly because I really had no idea how to unstrap it but also because you are now locked into a flat surface on ice. Never a good thing, really. So, our next Jenner- inspired instruction was a simple, "Stand up". Two words have never made me want to hit anyone so badly. Sorry Jenner, but you became my most hated enemy at this moment. Just "stand up". Just "stand up". Just "shut up" was more like it :) I learned to stand up a long time ago and have been succeeding fairly well in this area but you couldn't tell on that day. I had a better chance of winning American Idol than standing up on a snowboard. Not surprisingly, Jenn and Katie stood up without too much trouble and they, plus Will and Kevin, took off down the hill. That left the brave, or just unlucky, Jenner with the not so brave Becky and Kristi.

While I am not one who desires to be excellent at everything I attempt, I do want to give most things a shot so I did try to stand up. A couple dozen times. And failed, I mean fell, a couple dozen times. Watching my struggle from a few yards down the hill, Jenner was very encouraging and finally suggested that I try to flip over onto my stomach and try to stand up on my toes. Hmmmm. Flipping in any direction while attached to a snowboard is not something I ever thought I would even consider, much less do. But I did. And this actually worked. Well, worked-ish. I did manage to get up off my knees at some point and I think I snowboarded for all of ten seconds but I SNOWBOARDED. During this moment of amazingness, I saw the fence.

I am a smart person. I read and do complex thinking. Because I do these things, I can't really explain my reasoning during the next moments. The fence I spied while SNOWBOARDING was this little four foot wooden slat thing that looked unbelievably unstable. But I was determined to reach it in order to gain some leverage, thinking that was the only thing I needed. Through a series of flips and flops, I managed to reach the fence. And leverage it provided- I was standing. Only until, my pants got stuck on one of the wooden slats.

Remember when I said I should have stayed at the bottom and read my book because a flat surface and ice are a bad combination? Yeah, well. I tried desperately to unhook the back of my pants from the fence but it wasn't happening. And then I felt the board slide. While the top half of my body remained still, the lower half was sliding downwards on the snowboard. "I am going to die without any pants on, strapped to a snowboard on the side of a mountain" were my thoughts. And as much as I knew how proud Jenn would be of me for this, I did not want to die this way. Not so much without pants but on a snowboard. I knew I had to somehow detach myself from the board of death so I yanked my right foot out of the boot. From down the hill, I hear Jenner yell, "do you need help?" No, I was good now that I had one sock in the non-moving snow. Now all I had to do was unhook my pants, get back in my boot and I was golden. The only problem being, I couldn't unhook my pants. I tried and tried and tried but these pants were not letting go of the fence. The pants might be the smartest thing I brought on this trip. "Do you need help now?" came from down the hill. "Yes, please."

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