Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Lessons from the Big House

Yesterday was a big day. It was a day long in coming, highly anticipated, and very much dreaded. Yesterday, I finished Prison Break. Yes, I know that this does not seem like it should warrant it's own blog post. However, if kidney stones can get a shout out on this thing, then Michael Scofield certainly can too. If you are unaware of the premise of the show, allow me to break it down for you. Scofield's in prison....and he breaks out. I know. Spoiler. Come on now, did you really think he didn't? So why am I blogging about a fictional character on a fictional show? Because, not only did the show solidify my belief that I am truly gangster, it also taught me some things that I feel necessary to share with all of you....

Lessons Learned From Michael Scofield and Everyone Else on the Show Prison Break

1. I'm pretty sure I would tattoo blueprints all over my body, commit a crime, be sent to prison, and break out if one of my siblings was wrongfully convicted. Yup. Pretty sure.

2. Oragami is not only pretty cool but can also be critical to any plan involving anything remotely against the law. I'm thinking of taking it up this summer. Just in case #1 actually happens.

3. Never trust anyone in a suit and dark glasses. It never ends well. For anybody.

4. Always, always have a back up plan for the back up plan. In fact, have no less than 6 back up plans. And one plan should always involve a gas mask. For coolness sake.

5. Real gangsters keep their phones on vibrate. No sweet ringtones for them. This is where gangsters and I differ slightly.

6. Breaking out of prison and being on the run is a dirty job. Literally. Be prepared and break out with at least a toothbrush.

7. Take a knife to a fist fi.....nah just take a glock to any fight.

8. It really helps to know people with access to boats, planes, and the ability to exonerate you. This will be on any friend questionaire I give out in the future.

9. If you say anything with an intense eye stare and whispery voice, people will take you seriously. Even seasoned assassins.

10. If I were to be on the other side and be a seasoned assassin, I would definitely wear 6 inch heels. And red lipstick. But I would keep my ringtone.

So now that it' s over, I guess I can move on with my life. I hear Sons of Anarchy is pretty good, though.....